remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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