For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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