Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
