I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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