You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
