so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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