hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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