so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize