My liver just broke up with me...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
