Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
a search helicopter?!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
