My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
