Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
