i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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