Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Randomize
