Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize