Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
so much tequila, so little girl.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
