So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
this is an emotional support booty call
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
