Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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