She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
