Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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