Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
