I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
