Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The best revenge is premature balding
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
