I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
