You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
