8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Two words: nipple clamps
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