On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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