She announced her abortion via fbk
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
