What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
