Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
