when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
