I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
