Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize