I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Enjoy the penises
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
