I cannot find my penis.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
