If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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