Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
