hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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