I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
