Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
