3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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