$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
