Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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