Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
