I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
