There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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