sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ketchup is God's man juice
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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