Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
