I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
