i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I pour the whiskey from now on
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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