I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
