And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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