Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
