my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
