i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
