hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
