My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
