I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
