I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
