the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
