i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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