my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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