he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
