Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
