Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
