there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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